in every season

it's been an exhausting couple of months, to say the least. i often find myself just trying to convince my body and mind to keep going. some days it feels as though all i can do is just trudge through it. if i can just make it up the stairs- if i can just make it through this appointment- if i can just make it through this hurt-if i can just make it through these two years- if i can just... make it. i just have to push through. but christ has been doing some amazing things in my heart, too. this life is not just about "trudging" through it. there is no point in that. because this time we spend on the earth, is just a thought, just a glimpse of a second, in the eyes of eternity. and when i think about things like that, in the proper way, there is no worth in me just "trudging" through. that is glorifying no one and nothing, except my brokenness and tiredness. and i have no desire to glorify those things. those are slight, temporary, earthly things, that will die. they will not come with me to my Father's Home. i must keep my eyes fastened to Him- He who will never fade. so i am not going to just "trudge" through this. i am going to dance my way though this time i have on the earth, and i am going to spend every moment of it with my King.
so i am grateful for the ways that Christ is teaching me. i pray that He would never stop showing me Himself in new and incredible ways.

i am grateful that we serve a God who is so worthy. there is no season that i could ever find myself in, that He would no longer be worthy of praise. isn't that incredible? no matter what is going on, and i mean, ANYTHING, He is still God. and we have reason to sing and praise and worship. i find such hope and peace in that. and so today, and tomorrow, and every day, no matter how much is on my plate, what is going on, what is ahead, what seems to be falling apart, i will worship. because He is worthy.

Months later...

It has been way too long! But I'm still focusing on gratitude.

I have become grateful for Facebook. (I was determined to stay strong and not succumb to society's obsession with FB... but I have been proven wrong. God is present in Facebook!) So I apologize for time that is spent on FB, and not here!

I am grateful for the people Christ has put in my life... it's been a quite difficult couple of months, and yet, amidst all the pain and struggle, I have been surrounded by amazing people, who have upheld me, when my strength has worn out. They are continually lifting me before the Throne... and bringing me back to my knees. I'm eternally grateful for them... for their encouraging texts, for their "just checking in" phonecalls, for their "i'm thinking about you" posts on my wall, for their "you're not alone" hugs, for their "we're not giving up on your healing" reminders, for their "stop and tell me what's going on" talks in the hall, I could go on and on... I'm so grateful. God has given me everything I could ever ask for or imagine. I'm praying that He would never let that thought leave my mind, no matter what is going on around me.

One Day

I'm grateful that one day, there will be no more tears, no more pain, no more fears... the burdens of this world will be no longer... and we will be with Jesus. What an incredible thing... what hope that has. This is all temporary. One day, there will be no more pain or hurt... it will be joy- all the time- for eternity, with our King! I'm grateful for the hope in that.

New Small Group Leaders

I am grateful for a new small group leader! I teach a second grade "small group" (sunday school!), of 27 kids... which is huge! And it's been getting out of control lately... and our wonderful fabulous awesome director, MC, found a new small group leader! Who will be taking 1/2 of our kids... it's amazing. God has been doing amazing things in our ministry. For years we've been praying, God, bring them to us, bring us kids, do amazing things in UpStreet, use us, send us, God bring it. And this year, HE HAS BROUGHT IT! And now He is giving us the people and supplies to do amazing things with the kids He's brought us. I'm sooo grateful. I cannot wait for next Sunday! Please be praying for our kids and their families, as it might be a little strange the first couple weeks with the "split", but I know that this is the best option! The kids can actually get some personal attention now... it's great.
Praise God! :o)

Christ Defends

I'm grateful that Christ defends the poor and needy. So so grateful. We are all broken and needy... but sometimes Jesus truly breaks my heart nearly in half. It's been funny tonight, how Jesus is piecing everything together. At KidStuf, our church's elementary school ministry's monthly "family event", the Bible verse was Proverbs 31:9... "Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." And then, I came home, and was working on my project for World Affairs, on Conflict Diamonds... and I came across this photo.

Notice that this father's hands are missing. He was a survivor of Sierra Leone's mines. Another poster I saw showed an African woman, whose hands had also been cut off, and the caption said (as if speaking to an American bride), "I can't wear a wedding ring, so you can."

Confession? Until this week, I had never heard of conflict diamonds. For those of you who haven't heard of them, they are diamonds that are mined and illegally traded to fund conflict in war-torn areas. They tend to exist, when resources are found in country's whose governments cannot handle it. Captives are taken, and forced to work the mines, and the money is then spent on furthering military action, typically against the current governing body. Their hands are chopped off, as a symbol to prevent them from voting and to prevent them from farming rice, that would feed the army. These people are being mutilated and abused and enslaved... In the Democratic Republic of Congo alone, an estimated 3 million people have died as a result of conflict diamonds. It's disturbing. And yet, I had never heard of it.

Jesus, I thank You that You defend the poor and the needy, and that You call us to do the same. Lord I pray that You would use each of us, in any way that You desire, to rescue our brothers and sisters and to lead them to You. Jesus I pray that You free Your People from their enslavement, and that You glorify Yourself through it. I pray that You would mold the hearts of the captive, to come to forgive their capturers. I pray that You would continue to break my heart and to humble me. I thank You tonight, for the abundant blessings You have poured out on me... as I am free, free to live for You, and free from enslavement. Jesus, I am eternally grateful. You are amazing, Lord. We pray this in Your Glorious and Holy Name! Amen!

Creation

I'm grateful for and amazed by Creation. By God's Creation. By His Craftmanship and Creativity in creating the Earth. These pictures are from our trip to California we took this summer... and I think they are an incredible, yet tiny, glimpse into the Glory of God's Creation. And I love to just think, if this is how amazing the Work of His Hands is, how amazing His Hands must be. Our God is incredible. I'm grateful for Creation.

Breaking Chains

I'm grateful for Jesus dying on the cross, to set us free from the chains of this world. I'm grateful that He has given us a way out. I'm grateful that we don't have to go through the "motions" of this world... My friend ADS told me to check this song out, and it moves me... I'm tired of going through "the motions". I'm grateful for second chances to break away from the ways of this world.

Jesus, I don't want to go through the motions of this world. Jesus I'm tired of the ways of this world. I know it will not be easy, I know I will have to totally rely on You, but Jesus something has to change. Do whatever it takes in me, to change me. I don't want to have any regrets. Jesus, help my heart to defeat my mind. Take me all the way, Daddy. No more motions. Here's my life, again, dear Jesus. I love You. Amen.

The Motions, by Matthew West
This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

Here's the link for the video!

Pondering Questions

I'm grateful for "Pondering Questions"... I love them, and I love what they can do in my heart! As many of you know, I teach 2nd grade Sunday School at our church, in a program called UpStreet. Our "director" had posed us with a question this week... she said, "If you could pick 3 things that you want every child to leave UpStreet knowing, what would they be?" And I pondered it... and I think I have my answer!

1. God loves them more than they could ever imagine. He will never let them down, and they can trust Him no matter what. He loves them so much, that He sent His Son to die for them and their sins, so that they can live for eternity with Him.
2. Their citizenship is in Heaven, not on Earth. We are here for the time that He has given us, to glorify Him. It doesn't matter what this Earth thinks of us, only God's opinion counts. We should store our treasures in Heaven, not on Earth.
3. I love them so very much. My love for them is overflowing. I think of them as my brothers and sisters in Christ. They are family to me. I truly care about each and every one of them, I care about what they have to say, I care about what it is on their hearts, I care about their futures, and I am so excited about their relationships with Jesus. I love 'em.

Rest

I'm grateful for rest! I'm enjoying my snow day! I truly think it was an answer to my prayer from last night... I had a horrible meltdown last night, after driving class, around 9:00. I started thinking (never a good idea) about everything... and I got in way over my head. On that note, I am so grateful for the amazing support system Jesus has blessed me with, as my friends truly kept me afloat last night. I love you guys! But this morning, when I woke up at about 10am, I couldn't help but praise God. I was in such desperate need of rest. And He gave me an opportunity to rest today.

Today I am enjoying and being grateful for the gift of rest. And for the times that Jesus breaks us down, and makes us rely on our brothers and sisters, and Him and His Grace and Love.

Gastropoda

The word snail is a common name for almost all members of the molluscan class Gastropoda that have coiled shells in the adult stage. I was researching snail mail, and this is what Wikipedia gave me! But then I went back, and searched for snail mail, and Wikipedia did indeed have an entry on it!

I love snail mail! But I'm a big e-mailer... it's probably one of the quickest ways to get ahold of me. However, no matter how convenient or easy emailing is, I will always love snail mail. I'm not sure about you, but for me, it is so much more exciting to look in the mailbox and see a hand-written letter from a friend, than it is to log onto your email and see a message in your Inbox. Although emails are great... and quick... they just do not compare, for me, to snail mail. I think a hand-written note, that you took the time to write, seal, stamp, address, and put in your mailbox is so much more fun to receive.

One of my goals in showing gratitude was to write more handwritten letters... to show that I really value my relationships, more than a short email may show. In breaking that goal down into smaller (more manageable!) parts, my goal for this weekend is to hand-write and mail 3 letters and to mail 1 painting with scripture on the back. I have some recipients in mind! I'm going to try to continue that every weekend for a few weeks... and see where that leads me!

Praying for discipline... and the inspiration to be disciplined! And the heart and eyes to see what Jesus does through my obedience.

Grateful for...

I was thinking... a good way to help with my gratitude, might be to make a list of the things I'm grateful for... and this will definitely be a work in progress... because I could probably go on for eternity!

i'm grateful for...
-the cross
-my salvation and jesus christ
-my relationship with god
-the holy spirit
-the light... our high school prayer group.
-veritas... my church's high school youth group.
-lifegroup... our church's city-based youth group.
-upstreet... the children's ministry i volunteer in.
-my family. my parents and sister. their love.
-my home. it's safe. it's beautiful. it's warm in the winter, cool in the summer. it's shelter.
-water. its purity. its ability to fulfill my thirst. its ability to keep me healthy. the running water i have been provided.
-food. the energy provides. the abundance i have been blessed with.
-my school. the wonderful place i have to go to learn. the future it helps me to build. the faculty and staff. the fellow students and friends. the activities and sports. the opportunities. the mission field.
-my friends. my support system.
-the cleveland clinic. and the ways that jesus has used it to give me hope.
-the Church (with a capital C!). my true family.

More very soon. I am so blessed. Thank you, Jesus. I'm so so thankful... and yet, know that I am no where near true gratitude. Jesus I want to be grateful. I want to be humble and genuinely thankful. Make in me a grateful heart...

Ungratefulizing?

So... honest thoughts? There are so many things that easy "de-gratefulize" me! I give in so quickly to the ways of this world. The ways of thinking that I deserve (where does that thought come from... deserve) better, that I deserve pleasant days, that I should feel good, that my body shouldn't always have some kind of problem... all those thoughts. Those thoughts aren't from God, they aren't from His Word... they are from this world. How quickly I conform. I find myself so far from gratitude so quickly, that it is sometimes just mortifying!

Gratitude... Jesus, make in me a grateful heart. Lord I don't want my gratitude to be based on circumstances or to be quickly lost. I don't want to give in to the ways of this world and to conform to the ideas it can place in my head. I confess that I gave in today. I confess that I lost sight of You, and became distracted. My eyes got caught in earthly things, instead of Heavenly treasures. Jesus we know that we can do all things through You, and so I pray that through You, my heart would be molded into one of sincere gratitude. I pray that I would be changed, to be more like You. I want to be just like You, Daddy. I love You. Amen!

This is going to take some serious discipline, serious boldness, serious faith, serious love and grace, and serious prayer.
For some serious gratitude.

The Journey

My Ideas to:
SHOW GRATITUDE

• mail out paintings, with encouraging scripture on the back
• writing encouraging letters
• write thank you's, for the little things
• write letters to old friends
• help snail-mail make a comeback
• simply say thank you more, to friends, parents, teachers, etc.
• leave random thoughtful presents, with notes attached
• let others know I am praying for them, and make sure I follow through
• share my resources
• show that I value friendships: listen more, talk less; text less, call more.
• truly value the Cross.

I'm so excited for this year! Gratitude. What an amazing virtue. It just kind of flips my attitude on everything. Becoming thankful for hardships, thankful for all relationships, thankful for opportunities, thankful for Jesus...


"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
-Albert Schweitzer

GRATITUDE

Gratitude... according to dictionary.com, gratitude is the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful. As I've begun to get excited about this year ahead of me, 2009, and my virtue... I've begun to realize that all things can stem from gratitude, if you have love. Love is first and foremost. But I feel as though, love is what has led me on this journey. And now, I want to see where love leads me, with gratitude.

If you stop and think about it, behind love, all things come from gratitude. If you truly appreciate and are grateful for someone, you will respect them. You will love them, be honest with them, show them you care, encourage them, help them, I could go on and on. If you are truly grateful for the amazing set of gifts that God has blessed you with, you will work hard, be resourceful, be open to learning, put your best effort into all you do... If you are truly grateful for an opportunity, you will want to see God use you and the situation to its fullest potential... you will be enthusiastic, passionate, prayerful, you will study, you will do your best, and trust God to do the rest. Any other virtue, can stem from gratitude, if mixed with love.

Honesty... if you truly value and are thankful for someone, you will be honest with them. Resourcefulness... if you are truly grateful for what you have been given, you will use your resources for God's Glory. Kindness... if you are truly appreciative of God's grace and love towards you, you will love your brothers and sisters with a kind heart. I could go on forever. A thankful and humble heart is the essence of true worship. And isn't that what our lives are? Worship. To our Father.

2009... is my year of gratitude.

Jesus, I give You this year. Lord I want to thank You, for the virtue of gratitude that You have laid on my heart. I ask that You would do whatever it takes, to change and mold me, so that my heart would be one of gratitude and love. I pray that I would learn to truly be grateful, for every gift, blessing, item, person, opportunity, and obstacle that You place before me. Your Word tells us that in all things, You work for the good of those who love You, and that is a promise we can rely on. I ask that this year, would be an amazing time of learning for me, Lord. I pray that those around me, would always know, from my words and actions, that I am thankful for them. That I am grateful for everything they do for me, whether they receive recognition or not. Lord I thank You for the ways You are working in me, even behind the curtains. Jesus I pray that I would become aware of the ways that I am so fortunate, and that You would break my heart, so that I would desire to share my blessings with my brothers and sisters in You. I thank You for my gifts... I ask that You will use them for Your Glory and Your Will. They are no longer mine. Nothing is mine. You are the Creator, who gave them to me, and I am simply returning them. The resounding prayer of my heart is that You will use me, do whatever You need to do, and make my heart one of gratitude and love. I give You this year. Lead me, dear Jesus. Give me faith and boldness, as You lead me out of my comfort zone. Take me to places that I would never imagine. Open doors. Give me words. Let the meditations of my heart, my words, and my actions be pure and pleasing. I desire for You, Your Word, Your Love, and gratitude to lead me. I trust You. I praise You. You are amazing. Amen!

GRATITUDE... lead on!